oh snap!

Overheard in New York comedy for music nerds:

Snobby woman to teenage girls talking: Decrescendo, girls. Do you know what that means? It's an operatic term for "lower your voices."

Teenage girl: Actually, "decrescendo" is a musical term for "get softer," and when you say get lower, you're actually referring to pitch, not volume.

And two other funny ones:

Grandpa: Do we really have to take them to the fucking zoo?

Grandma (holding a pamphlet about the zoo): Look, this is the stupid shit that they're into, so this is where we gotta go.

Grandpa (pointing to a picture in the pamphlet): What the fuck is that? A chipmunk?

Grandma: It's a fucking rabbit!

Dude, to other dude with a small backpack: Is that the new backpack nano? What do you have in there, an apple and a bottle of water? You carrying acorns around in there? One package of skittles? An abridged copy of...The Old Man and the Sea?

Backpack dude: Do I really have to explain my backpack to you?