what a lovely mustache you have, young lady

Here is my favorite conversation of the day. So far.

I see a guy and a girl at one computer (no-no). I send a message saying that only one person is allowed per computer and the friend will have to leave. The girl leaves. I look up the library card to see which one of the two it belongs to. I then send a message saying that the guy will have to log in with his own library card. So he will need to log off and then log back in. He ignores this. I send him another message saying this is his last warning, he needs to log off and log back in with his own card or I will log him off. He ignores this. I log him off. (I felt mildly bad about it since he was filling out a job application. For Dominoes--I fear I have condemned the Spring Lake library, if he gets the job, to spit on their pizza.)

He comes out to the desk: Why did you log me off the computer?
Me: Because you need to use your own card to log in.
Him: That is my card.
Me: Your name is Portia?
Him, looking like "oh crap": No, that's her card.
Me: And you can't use her card, you need to use yours.