best library patron ever. ever.

Within one hour today I had two patrons make me laugh uncontrollably. The first was a kid, maybe 12, who was making his way from the computer lab to the front doors. And he was dancing the whole way. When he got to the doors, he stopped, looked out, and then turned around and danced his way back to the lab. I had my head in my hands in a feeble attempt to hide my laughter. (I say feeble attempt because my whole body was shaking.)

After that kid, I had a mild case of the giggles. And then came the best patron ever. Ever, I tell you!

A woman came up to the desk and the first thing I noticed was her giant sunglasses. Next I noticed the 4 pounds of makeup on her face. Next I noticed her orange hair. Then the woman opened her mouth and made her way into awesomeness. (While reading this, imagine a woman talking in the typical Long Island Jewish woman voice.) She wanted the numbers of some local book publishers. She wrote a book. It's a bestseller. They should sell it at the Barnes and Noble. It's better than anything they have on the shelves there. Her son agreed. At least I think he agreed, he was rather hard to understand. She would've gotten it published when she still lived in New York, but then she met her son's lousy father. He said "let's get engaged!" Then he moved her down to this southern hick town. Then he left her. And killed himself. He made it into the newspaper. But she can't get her book published. When she gets her book published, she'll be a millionaire, because that's all it takes. Then she'll be able to buy herself anything and get her son into a band. And they'll make a movie out of her book. When she wrote her book, she had a high school teacher read it. (I'm kind of unclear about this part. I don't know if she was in high school when she wrote it or not.) He said it was amazing and her writing was very professional and she should have no problem getting it published. But then she met her ex-husband, and we all know how that went. This woman talked for 10 minutes. Sadly, I did not catch her name. Now I will never know how totally awesome her book is.